Jason Derulo asked in his recent hit “Wiggle”,” “How do you fit all that into all those jeans?” Answer when you’re Latina: You don’t, really. Not without a lot of strategic shimmying or MacGyvering.
Here, 11 more fashion problems all Latinas know to be true.
1. The dreaded boob gap. Because it’s impossible to find button-down blouses that fit properly across your chest without looking boxy and weird everywhere else. Somehow this happens no matter what size your breasts are.
2. Having your mother bug you about your hemline, even when you’re a grown woman. You can’t tell me what to wear, mom! Also, leaving the house in yoga pants (the official uniform of twentysomethings everywhere) and hearing that voice in your head saying, But what if someone sees you? (The official rallying cry of Latina mothers and grandmothers everywhere.)
3. You’re never the same size on the top as you are on the bottom. Bathing suit shopping is the worst, because you have to buy different-sized tops and bottoms, and inevitably the store is out of at least one of your sizes.
4. Pants-shopping is a nightmare. Much like button-down blouses, pants are just not your friend. They may look cute in the front — but there’s always a humongous gap in the back of the waist. Also, forget about low-rise anything.
5. Pencil skirts. Good at highlighting your best assets in theory; terrible in reality.
6. Everything rides up. Dresses and skirts will always ride up and require constant adjusting. And if you’ve got a lot of junk in the trunk, skirts are always too long in the front and short in the back.
7. Anything remotely tight looks “scandalous” on you. This is actually more of a perception problem than anything, but if you have large breasts or a big butt, and you wear anything even a little bit hip-hugging or tight, people tend to view you or what you’re wearing as “sluttier” or “sexier” than what your smaller friends wear (and trust me, this happens even when you guys are wearing the exact same thing).
8. If you don’t have a J.Lo booty, fashion can still be a nightmare. Stuff has to be taken in and shorts look even shorter on you than they do on everyone else. Have fun shopping for jeans too, and good luck finding a pair that actually stays up without a belt.
9. Basically, nothing ever fits. “Curvy” sizes never account for the fact that not everyone has an hourglass figure (some of us are short and chubby and have bellies), petite-size blouses and tops don’t always fit right in the arms or shoulders, and everything in between just tends to look better on the hanger than it does on you, making what could be a fun activity (shopping) rage-inducing.
10. Each and every special occasion requires a faja. You have a love-hate relationship with your shapewear, but dressing for a fancy occasion without it just feels wrong.
11. You can’t live up to unrealistic fashion or beauty standards, no matter your size. If you’re thin, you may live up to the mainstream media’s expectations (but only if you have some curves in the “right” places; otherwise, forget it, you’re just “too boyish” or need to “eat a hamburger”), but you’ll get flack from the Latino community for being too skinny. If you’re “curvy”,” the mainstream media tells you to lose weight so you can fit in, but the Latino community is all about that bass. It’s hard to win, but in the end, all that matters is how you feel about what you’re wearing. As Meghan Trainor would say, remember that every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top.