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9 ways parents can model confident behaviour

#### 1 – Be a good role model Whether we realise it or not, our children can be influenced by our behaviour. When what we say and what we do don’t match up, they can be pretty quick on the update. Take a moment to consider your own confidence and how you handle sharing your opinions and how you talk about standing up and speaking at home. Maybe you’ve expressed nerves about giving a presentation at work, or you avoid answering your phone when an unrecognised number pops up; you may have nervous tells you aren’t even aware of. Identifying what these are and what is making you nervous can be the first step towards setting a positive example for your kids. #### Show your appreciation Show your appreciation: giving positive feedback (whether there is a success or failture overall) can help help build a strong foundation for confidence; it’s not just about postivie feedback when things go right. Showing them it’s OK to do things imperfectly – it’s the act of doing it that matters. Can help kids to feel more confident in trying, + accepted and loved; also shows/models positive ways to give feedback – constructive feedback/criticism (how to talk about things in a positive light or appraoch sensative subjects) Be curious – encourage curiosity; show it’s ok to both ask questions, and research things/look into things in more detail + ok to try new things without fear of failure – doing a new activity together or showing them how to do something new, such as cooking a meal together can be a good way to show them it can be fun to try something new; then let them try it themselves another time with less or no supervision, to help encourage exploration, build confidence through trying new situations, and learn how to speak up and out if they may need help/support (rather than hanging back and waiting to be asked) Model self-love and positive talk – acknowledging and rewarding and praising own behaviour; show them it’s ok to celebrate and talk about successes – it’s not always boasting or showing off; also can be a good way to talk about any skills, talent, or effort you had to develop to accomplish these things; can help show kids that they have skills they can further develop and use to succeed, and how some skills (like public speaking) which may seem scary or inconsequential at times can actually have a bigger impact on other successes/areas being worked on. Set realistic goals – showing kids how to set manageable milestones and realistic goals can help them to avoid feelings of failure and build up confidence and sense of self-esteem; by doing this with own goals can help model this behaviour – eg, you may want to go for a promotion as a manager, but you may be a nervous public speaker; showing small milestones along the way – practicing for meetings, trying smaller speaking events or hosting webinars, can help show how you build towards bigger goals with smaller, realistic milestones Teach and show resilience; no one suceeds all of the time – we all experience setbacks and failures; hurdles = learning experiences rather than dwelling on the events as failures or dissapointments; showing kids not to give up, but also not to dismiss feelings with ‘shouldnt feel so bad’ or ‘pull yourself together’ – trust your own feelings and express any dissapointment without dwelling on the negativity; show instead what steps you’re taking to do better the next time. Don’t be afraid to ask for help – showing that it’s ok to ask for help, support, and work with others whose skills or areas of expertise may exceed your own can be great ways of showing them it’s ok to not have all of the answers + to show the potential benefits of collaborating together, sharing skills/knowledge, and working towards improving yourself rather than having to do it all alone. Showing your own emotional journey with learning and asking for help can also be beneficial; showing growth/journey/learning is just as important as the destination Body language: only 30-35% of social meaning of a conversation is delivered by words; changing your body language can have a surprising impacton your confidence. This can start with your posture, eye contact, and smiling; a simple smile with your shoulders back can emanate confidence, not only making others around you more comfortable, but also making you feel more confident too (fake it until you make it/ try it until you feel it?) . Presenting ideas with confidence – we can be our own biggest ctitiques; instead of starting off with apologiese, caveats, or putting down our own ideas before we’ve even begun explaining them, it’s time to present our ideas with confidence; others take more seriously, start to feel less nervous about our own ideas/ increasing own confidence in presenting ideas we have. When we let our negative feelings or worries towards ourselves or our ideas or our doubt of our abilities rule us, it can be tough + it can damage our confidence and ability to speak up; challenging these thoughts and feelings = first step towards impactful changes in how we talk/present/etc

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