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My learning about myself When I put myself in a situation where I had to open up and show my vulnerabilities, I realized that I don’t live the healthiest life. I got the chance to listen to people about their lives, and I got myself to thinking and reflecting the mode for a few weeks. At first, I was quite skeptical. I’m not the person who shows vulnerabilities, and emotions are something that I’ve always kept to myself. When I was a child my parents always said that emotions show weakness and I’m lucky to have the life I have, so I don’t need to talk about my feelings. As the weeks past, I got to a realization that I didn’t know the people around me at all, and they didn’t know me at all. I don’t even know if I knew myself. During these weeks I got out three really important things for my life. The first one is that I’ve spent a lot of time complaining and being impatient over small things. I want to have everything in two seconds without waiting or working for it. I want to be wealthy, fit and healthy, but are not willing to wait and work for it. I go to the gym one day and expect to be fit by the time we reach home. I watch YouTube so that we can learn how to be fit in 15 minutes at one session. I don’t bother having a healthy lifestyle with a good diet and exercise continuously. I go to restaurants to eat and after 5 minutes start explaining to the waitress that I’m in a hurry. I want to make sure that we don’t waste time waiting for food, and we don’t stay eating it, I eat it on the way to work. I get annoyed as soon as our Wi-Fi starts being a little slower and calls the support team to tell them how they destroy my world. What I’m saying with this is that I’ve been living with this huge stress and impatience and it had taken over my life. Now is the time for me to get back in control over myself, take a breath and just live in harmony with my surroundings. The second thing that I’ve realized is that I love thinking, but I don’t spend my thinking on what I should. When I’m alone with my thoughts, I can be wherever I want to and do all the things I want to. I can run on the beach, walk around cities or hugging the ones I love most. To me, thoughts are really underappreciated because it’s possible to do so much with them. My thoughts can be used for learning new things, feeling the world around me and moving across countries. In my thoughts I can be my own best self, I can be in a movie and I can sort out problems in the world. I love looking out at the sea and sky with music in my ears and just be alone with my thoughts. Unfortunately, I always think about how I could be in different places and do different things. I don’t ever reflect on how I feel, who I am and how I can become better. I’ve been living in my own fantasy life and not living in real life. I love thinking, and I’m going to continue to think, but think about things that are closer to my life and my emotions so that I can tackle them in a better way. I’ve kept too much inside for a very long time. The third thing that I’ve learned is that I hide for my issues and conflicts in life. If I’d prefer myself to an animal, I’m a snake that rather hides instead of facing my conflicts and I only bite if someone steps on me. I realized that I reacted in that way because I don’t feel comfortable and I’ve always valued my comfort. The price to pay for the confrontation is too high for me to pay, but sometimes the negative impact not confronting the issues is big and affects my life in a worse way than facing it. I started facing this issue by saying no to smaller things where not much is on the table especially the people I have a close relationship to. I’ve started to tackle this by getting to know my own needs, interests, and wishes in order to improve my ability of self-respect. Forth I would like talk about my values. I have many values that I follow without acknowledging them. I value generosity, positivism, my purposes, respect, responsibility, but what really makes me, me is my happiness. To me, happiness is the most complete and mindful thing and always living in the moment gives every minute meaning for me. To me, happiness is the present moment, and I always try to pay attention to it. The reason that I came to this conclusion has been a moment in my life I thought I was going to die. Seeing the people closest to me devastated and not knowing if I would survive gave my life a different perspective and my most precious value became happiness for myself and the people around me. As I was given, a second chance in life was completely amazing and I could take up all those dreams I never thought that I was going to reach. I felt this inner sense of peace, harmony, and light in my life that I didn’t feel before. I was given a second chance to stay, and I realized that I’m not going to waste it on things I don’t want or like. It got me separated from people that gave me energy, and I start putting myself in a situation that was positive. It gave me an understanding of how life really works even though I wasn’t aware of this whole situation until I had these weeks of self-reflecting. I got to the conclusion that I’m me because of my experiences and where I come from and self-understanding is something that is going to help me both emotionally and practically in life to come.

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