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When a child wants to direct his parent

« When one of the parents is depressed, anxious, unhappy, whether he shows it or not, the child feels it and tries to fix it. » What explains Isabelle Filliozat in her book “In the heart of the emotions of the child” is essential because it can happen that the discomfort felt by one of the parents is absorbed by the child. This has many consequences: The child will ignore or stifle his own emotions and needs sometimes throughout his childhood. He will be conditioned to neglect his well-being even in adulthood, believing that his emotions and needs are not legitimate He will have a pessimistic and fatalistic conception of existence. He will try by all means to “repair” his parent who is so bad, risking a strong sense of helplessness if it does not work. A dramatic triangle (victim / executioner / savior) will settle (see this article) Is the solution to hide our unpleasant emotions in front of children? No, because the child captures the non-verbal signals (eyes in the wave, sighs, tears, tremors, gnawed nails, …) and camouflage (exaggerated joy to hide a pain, …) often clumsy affects. He will therefore realize that there is a problem even if it is not clearly expressed. The secrets are always toxic. Moreover, he may feel guilty by thinking that he is at the root of this problem. The key is therefore to be responsible and active in dealing with our problems and to avoid toxic secrets. Yes, life is not a long calm river. There are obstacles to overcome and crossing them is an experience that reinforces our confidence and our ability to be resilient. It is also about accepting and letting go of what can not be transformed, and yet engaging in a process of healing and forgiveness to repair oneself. Emotions accompany us on this journey. They are messengers and compasses that must be learned to listen, verbalize and use to advance. Especially as a strong emotion and trauma are transmitted via DNA. So, let’s be clear about the events that have touched or affect us today. Let’s find words to describe our problems and act to treat them because if we refuse to deal with them, they will be borne by our children, later. ON TRANSMIT MORE THAN WHAT WE BELIEVE … HOT POTATOES TRANSGENERATIONAL what’s going on inside me “We are answers to unresolved questions from our ancestors. ” CARL GUSTAV JUNG This statement has something to question our conception of life. For if it turns out that our past influences our present and our future, it is a dive into the history of our lineage that we will need to find the keys to certain enigmas. Explanations and advice. Isabelle Filliozat evokes the case of Pamela who is sad while her life is not. She can not get rid of this sadness. If Pamela has no real reason to be depressed, her mother, Reine, had some. She was mourned by a brother when she was only five years old … Pamela inherited her mother’s pain, her mask. As if she endured this suffering to relieve her mother. The release occurred during a family psychotherapy where Pamela understood that this sadness was not his. She said to her mother, “I make you sad, mother. It’s yours. I can do nothing.” . And the sadness flew away. In another example, Isabelle Filliozat recounts the birth of Alexandra, who almost ended dramatically … like the one that had known her mother-in-law. Hazard ? Coincidence? How can situations recur by sometimes jumping generations or by marriage? THE UNCONSCIOUS, THE EMOTIONS AND THE DNA AT THE COMMANDS. OUR PAST Our subconscious directs our lives 99% of the time. This subconscious works in automatic mode by relying on our memory and the emotions we have felt. Thus, our parents leave us messages through the education they give us and the non-verbal signs that reveal the content of their thoughts. We copy what we see, hear, feel thanks to the mirror neurons and conditioning through repetitions of gestures and words throughout our childhood. THE PAST OF OUR ANCESTORS Regarding the legacy of previous generations, it is on the side of DNA and emotions that we must look. You may have heard about epigenetics that sheds light on our ability to change our DNA throughout our lives. These DNA corrections are done for example when we undergo experiences with a strong emotional charge. It is as if traumatic memory is part of our genes … that we transmit. Thus, a strong emotion felt by a grandfather or a great grandmother has

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